Keep Fighting
by OnceAthoughtNowADream
Summary: He's coming home, not a lot of people get their loved ones back she's lucky and she knows that. But he's coming home a different man and she's scared of what that means for her family. "We are the Hudson,. We live by a code of honor and pride." AU Future Finchel!
1. Chapter 1: We are the Hudson

**Wow I suck lol, don't worry I would never abandon my other stories but this one just came to me and I hate to write it although it 3am and im tired! lol anways this chapter is short because I wanted to get it out and see if you guys cared about it or not. If not, ill delete and move on no biggie!**

**So anyways reviews and alerts will make or break this story. **

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Rachel Berry, sat on the edge of her bed scanning the pictures that hung around her, their, bedroom. From when she was 15 and in the choir room, to the day he graduated from basic training. The days all 3 of their children were born and of course their wedding day. In the middle was her Tony, the one and only before he decided she wanted to be a mother more. How is it that she is now sitting here afraid to open her bedroom door and be faced with reality? A day that would normally be celebrated, is a day that she is unsure of, she hates this they had it planned out. He was getting out after this tour and was going to come home and be with them, he had filled out the papers and although she never said anything Rachel was ecstatic, she was getting her husband back, and the kids their dad.

"Mom! Are you ready?" Her older daughter called from the other side of the door.

"Yes Lace, I'm coming out now!" She painted a smile on her face and forced herself to get up, she had to be strong because what the Hudson are about to face is going to take strength, not weakness. She knew that, so she became the character she has to play "Rachel Hudson, supportive wife and mother" She opened the door and was greeted by smile, no doubt the two belonging to the two oldest children as fake as hers, but the youngest and brightest smile was real and she needed that more then anything.

"Ok, Lacey make sure Alexis' bag is ready and I'll meet you at the door, Tyler can you hang back?" She waiting until the two daughters were out of sight before turning to her son, "Are you ok?" she ask because of everyone Tyler was the one that everyone was worried about, they all knew Tyler looked up to Finn with some awe and love he wanted to be him, climb the ranks just how he had, no one knew if this happening had tarnished his idea of his father or the Army. "I'm fine mom, I just really want to get there. So can we go please?" Rachel knew he was bothered but respected his wishes and grabbed his hand as they walked out to the car.

The ride was quite, no one knew what words to say, or if any needed to be said. Her phone rang and she knew it was Kurt calling, "Hello and what is your location my awfully late sister in law?" He says not giving her a chance to even say hello when she answered the phone, "About a block away Kurt, I'll see you soon." She didn't want attitude right now, she wanted quite and she wanted to reach over and take her sons hand again who looked like the twin of her husband.

She got her family ready, encouraging smiles and kissing away worried lines that wrinkled their young foreheads, "We are the Hudson's, we live by a code of honor and pride." She says before taking their hands and leading them down the hall to a room that held the fate of her life.

Walking in she was met with the angry face of her husband and a sympathetic doctor, along with a scare Kurt. It had been months since the accident and although he opted to stay out of state at one of the best rehabilitation centers she could tell his mind was still at war, but she was impressed but how fast his hands were moving and how quickly he had picked everything up, the kids and her had started classes a month ago and she could only pick up a few things, but from the looks of it; Finn was over being babied. She walked over and saw the smile on his face grow and she felt the tears in her eyes pool, "Hello Finn, I've missed you." She signed, his smile grew wider. "You learned sign language?" he responded at a slower pace then when he had been speaking to the doctor, he must know she isn't as good as he is, yet. "Of course, I only know a little but I practiced this conversation a lot. I'm glad your home." He smile started to fall and she knew the pain was washing over him "Home and deaf, life can screw you huh?" He signed back to her with rage behind it. Until the kids came from behind her and rushed to give him hugs, feeling that their father needed it right now more than anything, She knew this was going to be a challenge when the accident happened they said he might not ever hear again, but the worst part was the extreme case of PTSD that came from the tragic day that claimed most of the lives of the men that was in his unit. When he emailed her and told her he was staying at the hospital and getting help she knew it was bad, she wanted him home but she had to trust that he knew what was for the best of the family. She watched as her children interacted with their father finally moving past the issue and smiling.

"We are the Hudson's. We live by a code of honor and pride." He told her almost to fast that she didn't catch it. But she smiled and walked over and joined her family. They would make it through this, together.

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Sso

**So what do you guys think? Should I continue or no?**

**let me know..**

**I don't own anything but the kids. ha!**

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	2. Chapter 2 : Sing for me

**Ok so I wrote this chapter today and I figured I would give more about the story before deciding whether or not to continue, also I messed up at first and only tagged Finn in it, sorry about that.. its Finn and Rachel. So here is the second chapter! I hope you guys enjoy!**

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His eyes lack the spark they used to have, no matter how many times he was sent overseas he always had the spark when he was around his family, now it was nothing Rachel believed with all her heart that everything would work out that their family would make it, but looking into his eyes shook something in here installed fear that this might be harder then she first thought. She seen hardships in her life, no her life was not glamorous, she'd gotten her first Broadway show her second year of college while being a fulltime student and her fiancée was fighting in a war, all of this before she was legal age to drink. And now at the age of 35 with 3 children ages 13, 7 and 3 she was being faced with something she never thought imaginable, being the strong one in the family when she's so used to calling Finn for the words of wisdom.

After gathering all his personal belongings and talking to the doctor, who Finn refused to pay any attention to stating that he knew what had to be done that the Army's doctors had told him everything he needed to know. Stubborn as always so Rachel listened for him, Kurt began to cry when the walk to the car was over and he knew he would be going separate ways, giving their family time alone, while hugging Rachel he whispered to her telling her with one call he could be at their house in 10 minutes, she knew everyone was worried. But it was her turn to comfort her family and she was going to do one hell of a job doing it. The ride was quite, no one knew what to say or do after Finn –by habit- reached for the radio knob before pulling back his hand and running his hands over his face in frustration she reached over and places a hand on his knee to remind him that she was there for him. She had called ahead to his favorite take out joint and when they got home she started to feel that maybe everything would be okay, he came in and started to put his things away after giving the kids the things he had gotten them while he was away. She set the table and a smile crept onto her face, he's _home_ and that is the best feeling in the world. She yelled that dinner was ready and the kids started to pile in, Tyler holding Alexis and Lacey close behind holding her favorite doll, "Lace you know you can't have toys at the table." She said walking over and with her hand out waiting for her daughter to place it in her hands, she started to sit down when she remembered that Finn hadn't came to the table yet and at that moment her heart broke all over again, she yelled that dinner was ready, and he hadn't heard a thing. She walked down the hall to see him packing away his uniform and running his fingers over all this badges, he had received the Purple Heart but that was in a case in the living room that no one ever touched. She knew what the Army meant to Finn and although he was done she knew it was hard for him to walk away. She walked over and places her hand on his shoulder surprised when he didn't even flinched, she should have known that even if he couldn't hear her, he can always feel her. He looked at her and signed "Dinner?" and she nodded her head, he laced their fingers together and led the way to the dining room where the kids all were waiting patiently happy to have dinner all together again.

Tyler slowly began trying to tell his father about how well he was doing in ROTC, many times getting signs confused or forgetting all together , Rachel saw how frustrated he was getting and before she would step in and help he asked me be excused and Finn granted him permission. She shot his a smile as he walked away from the table, she couldn't imagine how it was for him and didn't want to push him to much. He was trying in the months after learning that Finn had lost his hearing Tyler spent the weekends in the signing class with her and during the week he practiced nonstop trying to get it perfect, but he was only 13 and she knew he was putting a lot of pressure on himself. Adding the nervous of your father/hero being home he just couldn't calm down long enough to focus on what he was trying to say to his father. He had made a comment while at the hospital how only his father could master sign language so fast, she knew he was proud of Finn and just wanted Finn to be proud of him. If only Tyler knew he was already proud of him, always has been and nothing in this world could change that.

After the dishes were done and the kids hurried off to get ready for bed, Finn and Rachel retreated back to their room. Finn moving to the bed watching as Rachel got ready for the next day, getting the kids off to school and setting out her clothes for the next day, removing the makeup she had on and changing clothes. She turned around to see him smiley longingly at her, she couldn't help but ask what he was staring at, and very slowly so she didn't misunderstand what he said he told her "the best thing that has ever happened to me, you knew besides the kids" he smiled at the end made her heart flutter a million times, he always knew what was the right thing to say to her. She moved closer to him to see that he was crying and she asked him why. He ignored her question and pulled her to him so they were facing each other and he kissed her softly and pulled away, when she opened her eyes he smirked and again watching his pace as he moved his hands and told her to " Sing for me." Tears started to run down her face and she shook her head 'no' he put his finger under her chin and lifted it so she was looking at her he smiled and told her " just because I cant hear you sing doesn't mean I cant see you, the best part of you singing is the light that comes to her eyes and the happiness that washes over her face he misses it and he really wanted to witness that again" She nods her head and takes his hand and before even thinking of what to sing she starts to sing the song that only makes sense, the song that brought them together in the first place all those years ago…

_Just a small town girl  
Livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train  
Goin' anywhere_

He guided her so they were laying down face to face while she sang and places a kiss on both her of hands. By the second verse he knew exactly what song she was singing and was smiley so wide she couldn't help but smile back. Before she was done he's eyes started to shut and she waited until he succumbed to exhaustion that she was sure his body was feeling its been over a year since he has slept in his own bed and she knew he needed it. She eased out of the bed making her way to say goodnight to the kids. She could do this, she thought to herself before opening the door.

Outside her room was Tyler sitting against the wall with his knee to his chest " He still asked you" He says still looking at the ground "Yeah he did" she knew he was crying by him voice breaking "I used to stay awake when he would come home because I knew he would get you to sing and then he would sometimes join in and I'd fall asleep to you laughing and singing how much those sounds mean to me." He told he wiping away the tears that would be quickly replaced by new ones. "It meant that my parents loved each other after all these years but also that my dad made it home, again. Now I can't help but think about how he doesn't get to hear you, and it's not fair mom. He gave up so much, I just don't see how it's fair." She didn't know what to say, in a way he was right Finn was so much more then a General, he was an amazing drummer, guitarist and he loved to sing and would often coerce Rachel into singing almost every night when he was home on leave. Now he cant hear the music , he won't get to hear Alexis call him daddy, or how well Lacey plays the violin or even the not so good band that Tyler and his friends have put together. She pulled her son up of the ground and into a hug, she knew that if Finn was aware of how selfish they were being by being upset about him losing his hearing and not happy by the fact that he was alive and well he would be disappointed after he's lost so many men that have fought besides him for years, seen so many wives , husbands and their children mourn their loved ones, They are one of the few lucky families. She takes his hand and starts to walk down the hall to his room , he loves his father but Tyler is and always will be a mama's boy, and at 13 that hadn't changed, he;s mature for his age since he could remember he played man of the house while his father was away, and having two younger sisters and he also played protector but he didn't mind he loved every moment of it. When they got to his door she cupped his face and placed a kiss on his forehead, "He's home baby, nothing else bad can happen." He shook his head and said goodnight before turning away. She checked on the other children watching them sleep peacefully, before heading back into her room to curl up next to her husband for the first time in over a year.

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**Any mistakes.. I'm sorry :(**

**I don't own anything but the kids.**

**But reviews would mean the world to me. On a story like this you never know how people will take it so**

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	3. Chapter 3: Brother, Friend and Soldier

**I've decided to continue with this story mostly for the people who have reviewed and told me too, and also because I have a lot of idea for this. So I hope you guys enjoy this..**

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Kurt called Rachel 30 minutes before her alarm went out, she didn't care since she had been up most the night. She had almost begged Finn to be reasonable and that her calling off work for a few days was a good enough excuse. Although at the time he was still in the rehab center and she was at home so this conversation took place over email and even though words she could tell how strongly he felt about her taking time off. He reiterated that he has spent most of his life at war and being at his home alone is 'a piece of cake' she so gave in a promised him she wouldn't take any time off. Kurt and Santana weren't so easy, Finn and Santana have been best friends since kindergarten and when Rachel and Finn first got together she often found herself jealous of their bond but over the years she's grown to appreciate it, and it was nothing on this earth that was powerful enough to keep Kurt away from his brother, who to him was always his protector and he felt it was his time to return the favor. She got out of bed and started to get her and the kids ready, they had a routine and matter how much she always imagined Finn being the one getting Alexis ready and not Tyler, it worked for them.

Kurt and Santana arrived almost as soon as Finn was waking up, when he walked into the kitchen everyone tensed at the thought of not knowing how he would take it, would he think they thought he was weak? That he couldn't take care of himself? The thought flew around Rachels head and she watched with a close eye to gage his reaction. Santana was the first to move, she saluted him and this that he cracked a smile. Everyone released the breath they didn't know they were holding and started to run around the kitchen as they were.

She knew that they hadn't got a chance to learn sign language and that worried her more then anything, if something went wrong how would they communicate? When Finn went to the bathroom she gave Kurt a notebook and told him "just in case" she trusted them, but she knew that everything was still new and that meant that Finn still might to handle everything the same. When Finn walked out it was as if he knew something had changed, that they weren't there to say hello and more to watch after him. His face harden and he started to move his hands so fast that she couldn't catch up, by the end of his rant everyone was looking at him with wide eyes, Finn knowing that no one understood him made his face grow darker and his eyes more emotionless. If this wasn't her Finn, she might've been frightened but she knew no matter what, even with PTSD he would never hurt anyone in that room. She moved to plae her hand on his chest, she wasn't going to back down for this, and that while she was gone Kurt and Santana will be staying at the house. When he finally looked at her she pressed a light kiss to him lips and felt him soften to her touch before motioning the only two words that needed to be told "they stay" and with that she gathered the kids thing and let them hug everyone before rushing them out the door.

Kurt sent her text messages throughout the day telling her how everything was going, Finn and Santana played cards and even though inside the same house found a way to communicate in texting, he told her how he felt like he had his brother back in time but knew that it was time when it was soldier Finn, hard and without compassion. Rachel loved what her husband did, he loved it more, but she hated the aftermath of it all. When Finn first came home after his first tour his PTSD was so bad that being out in the world was hard for him, they went out one night for Santanas birthday and a guy was hitting on her and got a little to rough and before anyone knew what happened Finn had lifted him up and smashed him back into the table so hard it broke. When Rachel tried to call him down the only thing that got his attention was her screaming "STAND DOWN SOLDIER" the guy was fine but Finn wasn't when he realized what he had done, he was always protective of his friends and Rachel Kurt and Santana made it come out of him more the usual, he got help until he was deployed again and when he came back it was mostly nightmares, Rachel would wake up to him crying and sweating and screaming, after that it was always different but they always handled it. The further he moved up the ranks helped since he wasn't seeing so much action but she knew that this recent tour they'd called everyone to the front line almost she can't know more since it's Army business but she knows it was serious if they wanted the best, they never sacrifice the best it's necessary.

When she got a call from Kurt near the end of the day she figured it was just to check-in until she heard the fear in his voice and her blood turned cold " He left, I don't- I mean. Rachel he just walked out and.."

"I'm on my way"

She's not surprised this is just like Finn, he doesn't like people taking care of him. Never have, never will. But she still sends a text to him to tell him how selfish he's being and all they want to do is help him and scaring her half to death isn't helping anyone. By the time she gets to the house, Santana is hysterical and yelling in Spanish and sometimes a little bit of Spanglish, Kurt is calling everyone he knows and saying how he just went to the bathroom and he ran away. She was worried, but she knew her husband and while on the ride home she was so afraid to stop and think, she looked at the clock and realized exactly where he would be.

When she pulled up to the football field she saw the team practicing and in the stands sat her husband, leaning forward and simply just watching. When she took a set next to him he didn't even look at her just –at a reasonable speed this time- told her "I'm tired already Rachel, the looks people have been giving me and not being able to communicate. I just needed a minute" She knew he wasn't being ungrateful for his life just that everyone needs a moment to breathe she placed her hand on his knee to signal that she was there and she understood.

He loved football in high school and if the truth about his father hadn't came to light he might've pursued it. Although he fell in love with the Army, Rachel knew that football was Finns first passion. They watched for a few moments longer before he stood up and reached out his hand. She took it, and they walked back to the car.

When they got to the house the kids had already gotten home, Alexis' preschool dropped her off and she had asked Kurt and Santana to stay until she got back. She knew that they would but she just wanted make sure. The kids were overly excited to see Finn, she's not sure if they thought he would be leaving again or just the fact that having him home was enough excitement to roll over into the next day. After the kids showed him they cards they had made him at school that day and hurried off to play and do homework. Finn walked into the living room to find the people he knew he had scared were most likely pissed, he knew he couldn't exactly say anything but he felt the need to tell them "sorry: even if he knew they didn't understand sign yet, Rachel spoke up and told them they he said sorry and he knew she had since their eyes fell to her for s second before moving back to him and Kurt almost tackling him with a hug. He could feel the vibrations and he knew he was talking to him and just by knowing Kurt most of his life he could guess what he was saying " Finn Hudson don't you ever scare me like that again, do you know how many worry lines I probably have on my face from that little prank you pulled" he couldn't help but chuckle at the thought, and when he did Kurt pulled back with a look of shock as did his wife and best friend. He shook his head and turned to Rachel, since she was the only person who could understand him "I know my brother I don't have to hear him to know he's pissed about having him worry and the damage it puts on his skin" She laughed and he could tell by how her head fell back and her putting placing her hand over her chest that it was _her _beautiful laugh, he missed it, as she turned and told them what he has said he watched as they all fell into laughter while Kurt had a small pout on his face.

That night after dinner and everyone had gone home. Finn told Rachel he wanted to be apart of the night time routine and morning time too. She smiled and nodded her head as she grabbed his hand to led him down the hall she turned to face him and told him " I usually start with the oldest to the youngest" He smiled and walked into Tylers room, he knew his son was doing good at sign so he knew enough to understand when Finn told him he loved him and goodnight and that he'd see him in the morning. He replied, it was messy but Finn understood and never let his face show that some of what he had said wasn't right, he was proud of him and the man he was becoming and all he could think about is how he'll have to think of a way to show his that one day. His 7 year old was a little more difficult she normally talked a mile a minute –she got that from her mother- and tonight was no different, he pulled her all around her room showing her new dolls and new pictures she had painted. He tried to read her lips – he just wasn't good at that- but he smiles and nodded his head anyways. Before Rachel told her it was time for bed and she crossed her arms and stomped her feet, Finn shot her a look and she unfolded her arms and crawled into bed. He kissed her and tucked her in and watched as Rachel did the same. Before closing the door and moving to the baby room. She was already in bed and asleep so a simple kiss and he lingered awhile, thinking about how much he wanted to hear her voice, he'd gotten a chance when she was two but she was still trying to figure out everything and how heard her a few times on the phone in the past year but unlike his other children he could remember their voices and think about them calling him daddy. It hurt, but he knew complaining wasn't acceptable. So he turned to Rachel and told her he'd be in the room.

When she walked in she knew something had happened. He just shook his head when she gave him a look. She moved around to get ready for the next day and like the night before he watched her, when she was done he took her hand and laced their fingers together before kissing her and instead of signing he mouthed " I love you" she smiles and mouthed " me too" she knew he wasn't very good at reading lips either and didn't want to push her luck by mouthing ' I love you too'

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**So how do you guys like it? review and please tell me how you feel..seriously writing a story like this makes me nervous so**

**Review! thank you guys so much!**


	4. Chapter 4: Celebration of the Damaged

**I love how much you guys love this story. I really love it too because I know how I'm going to end everything i'm just kind of back and forth with everything in between. A lot happened in this chapter if you guys are confused let me know.**

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It's nightmares.

He had been home for a week when the first one came, Rachel woke up to find her husband flinging his arms and legs around and tears running down his face. They learned awhile ago that shaking or any form of touching wasn't the best way, she would usually sing or talk to him calmly –from a distance- until the tears stopped and his body relaxed. This time, she had no idea what do to, it was as if he was reliving the accident, covering his ears and tearing by the plenty running freely down his face. She didn't know what do to for her husband so she slid of the bed falling onto the floor and resting her back on the side of the bed, she started to cry before she could even process the situation. They hadn't talk about this, they had spent so much of the week trying to find a routine and a groove that everyone fit into perfectly that the issue at hand didn't get the attention that it needed. She could hear the movement in the bed and when it stopped she slightly relaxed until feeling the change in the bed, she jumped up and saw Finn staring back at her with wide and frightened eyes, he opened his mouth to speak and I was then aware that what was a nightmare has became a full blown episode, he's not actually sleep but he's not awake either. She hadn't heard his voice since he got back, she knew it wasn't the same. The doctors had warned her because according to them a lot of significant others don't handle it well when their partner speaks for the first time. She knew what he would sound like, but when he was standing in front of her opening his mouth to speak she couldn't handle it. "Rachel wha-" the tears then returned to both their eyes as he covered his mouth with his hand, she couldn't imagine what he went through the first time he woke up and realized he couldn't hear himself, having to do it again was almost to much for her. She walked around the bed taking his hand and sliding into their bed, her best bet at this point was to get him to bed, let him fall back into sleep and hope that this time he stayed. She pulled the covers up and wrapped her arms around him hearing as he went through every emotion. When his breathing evened out and a light snore came from him she knew he was sleep and she allowed herself to fall also.

When Finn woke up to the light touch of his wife, he saw nothing but worry in her eyes, he ran his hands over his face feeling that his face was swollen mostly around his eyes, he looked at her " what happened" he asked she just shrugged and kissed his forehead. He knew that today was going to be a huge day, somehow he got Santana to talk him into attending his welcome home party, mostly she just used the fact that she couldn't understand sign language after he told her 'no' several times. He even wrote it on a piece of paper and all she did was look at it and write back ' I cant understand your chicken scratch' and walked off before he could respond. He wasn't excited and by the look on Rachels face she was worried about something, most likely him. She didn't like that she did that but also knew that, that was who she was he walked over to where she was standing and wrapped his arms around her waist the intimacy had been lacking but what was the fun if he couldn't hear his wife enjoy it? He turned her around and dropped his hands while locking eyes, she closed her eyes and dropped her chin into her chest. He knew something was going on, when she opened her eyes this time it was with purpose as she moved her hands to tell him –the best way possible- what had occurred the night before.

Nightmare, fucking nightmares.

He hated them, and even more now because she has to sit through them and watch as they unfold. He knew she would never wake him up by touching him, so not knowing how to help had to scare her more. When she was done telling him what happened, he pulled her into a hug, he obviously didn't know what his voice sounded like but before all this happened he had heard Marlee Matlin speak and he could figure it was similar but deeper. He wasn't ashamed to talk he just didn't know how people would handle it, if it would scare them and he often thought about the kids when he did allow himself to think about it. When he let go of her he moved to kiss her and put as much passion behind it as he could to express how sorry he was for everything, when he finally pulled away he placed a kiss on both her cheeks and smiled as a smile formed on her lips. He walked away to give her time to get ready he knew that this morning was going to be insane getting the kids ready and with Kurt and Santana coming to decorate, he wasn't sure if Britt and Blaine would be coming then or when the party started but he knew that more people the more anxiety he felt. When he grabbed his phone he saw that Puck had texted him asking if he was sure about today, he wasn't not really but he knew that everything needed to start moving in a direction of normalcy. He responded and said he was working on it, and he was excited to see him Quinn and their kids. They had a 14 year old daughter name Kate and a 4 year old boy name Thomas that they all called Tommy, he was for the most part slowly moving to become excited, he just wasn't there yet.

She knew he was having a hard day, the kids were for the lack of a better term –wired- seriously and she knew that Santana _was_ indeed bringing Brittany to decorate and same goes with Kurt and Blaine, she did however ask Santana to keep Britt away from Finn, he loved her and all but she knew how she can get when she doesn't understand something and poking Finn right now wouldn't help the issue at all. Santana promised to keep her outside setting up for the most part and for that she was grateful she didn't want the party to be over before it started.

Kurt and Blaine were the first to arrive and just like every day prior Kurt ran to Finn and hugged him way to long, but again Finn understood his brother and never pushed him away. Blaine gave him a hug, which usually they don't do but she could tell that he needed to this time, they may only be brother –in – laws but that still meant a lot to them both. This moment needed more than just a fist bump. Blaine had taken signing in high school and although he was a tad bit rusty and didn't have enough patience to teach Kurt (Kurt usually ended up crying and yelling at Blaine that what had happened wasn't fair they both opted that it be better for Kurt to take lessons from a professional.) He was able to have a conversation with Finn, she could tell by his face that he was relieved to be able to actually talk to someone other then her, it didn't hurt her feelings she knew he husband was a social butterfly and needed to talk to people.

When Brittany came the first thing she did was scream "HELLO" to Finn and instead of being offended he laughed because he could tell by how big her mouth opened and the little jump everyone did that she had screamed pretty loud, he hugged her and shook his head. Best thing about Britt is that she was going to be herself. He knew Rachel was worried about it, and a part of him was also but it was actually refreshing, when Santana sent her outside to start preparing she walked over to Finn ad grabbed his hand. They started this in second grade when the other one didn't know how to talk to the other one, they just held hands until everything that person was feeling was okay, she had been doing it everyday since he got back, she was feeling okay and he knew that so she would hold on to her hand as long as she needed too.

Quinn cried almost as soon as she walked through the door, he knew it was going to happen but Puck picked her up and pulled her out of the death grip hold she had around his neck. After calming her down Puck came and also hugged Finn, he knew about Finn and Santana's holding hands situation and knew that at least for today she would be doing it for awhile, or until everybody arrived he shared a small smile with her and before he could turn around his son came running though the kitchen almost knocking the air out of Finn completely, Tommy adored his uncle and it wasn't a secret he loved what his uncle did and once last year took one of his badges to school for show and tell. Finn loved him just as much as he did with Kate but he knew she was distant for a reason, she had came in and just like her mother started to cry before saying anything to Finn walked outside and hadn't returned yet.

Tommy didn't fully understand everything he thought that while Finn was gone he had gotten them to fix his hearing and the four year old was now talking faster then ever, catching his uncle up on everything he had missed in the year, Finn would send them letters too, because they were his family also but he knew that at 4 it didn't mean as much as him being in front of him, he didn't know what Tommy was saying but he was smiling anyways, until he stopped talking and tilted his head to the side. Finn looked around and could see the concern on everyone's face as Puck came to kneel in front of Tommy, Finn stood up and asked everything " what happened?" as Blaine said it out loud for everyone that didn't understand what he motioned and asked. He looked around waiting knowing that only two people in the room could answer him, when Rachel stepped forward he could see the pain flashing through her face when she told him, he wanted you to play the drums for him" and just like that his heart broke even more. He hated that not only did his children lose something but also his nephew and niece if by her reaction was any clue. He moved away from the crowd before turning and walking towards the bedroom. Closing and locking it, he just needed a moment, maybe longer but he didn't think he could go out there for awhile.

It was times like these that he missed Rachel's singing, Kurt's late night talks with warm milk and cookie and Santana's irrational rants, the most.

He had fallen asleep, and when he woke up Rachel was sliding into the bed, he knew they had a key to open all the doors in the house when Lacey had a phase and when she got mad would lock herself in rooms Finn was quick to make it so no one could lock themselves in permanently He rubbed his eyes and knew that he had missed his own welcome home party, when he looked at her she gave him a small smile and told him " we decided to reschedule" he nodded and pulled her towards him letting the smell of strawberries, vanilla and _Rachel_ attack his sense, if every night he got to cuddle up to her then during the day all the bad things that happen, maybe he would be able to handle everything.

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**I love Furt and Pinn and Finntana friendships. I added the hand holding thing because I know how Santana doesn't like to express her emotions. **

**So tell me how you guys are feeling! (:**


	5. Chapter 5: Kids Are Cruel

**I had the HARDEST time with this chapter and I still don't like it 100% I do know that the next chapter is going to be better I promise and I apologize in advance if you don't like it but it explains a lot that needs to be known for the next few chapters so it had to be written, and its also the longest chapter so far. So before I go on rambling here it is!**

**I hope you guys enjoy, thank you so much for the reviews and words of encouragement, you have no idea how much they mean to me!**

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She knew the day would come when Finn insisted that he stay at the house by himself, but still when the day actually came she was scared out of her mind, both Santana and her had been texting the night before and neither of them were comfortable with the idea. Finn allowed the "babysitting" to continue for a month a one week and to be honest that's longer then anyone thought he would be okay with it. But life started to fall into a pattern, he had his appointments and he was finding things that he enjoyed and never would have explored if it wasn't for this accident. Painting was becoming his outlet his peace of mind, he had told Rachel of a time when he was younger and his grandmother would paint and sometimes he would join in, but it never stuck he always had football and basketball and the drums to occupy his time. He painted what he felt but didn't know how to say it. The first of many was a painting of where he was stationed last but it wasn't dark and gloomy it was of the men he had lost smiling and playing cards. They hung it in the living room, because Rachel wanted that to be what the family and anyone else that visit to know about his job not what it took away but the happiness that it brought him also.

He loved his independence and she knew that, when they issued him a pager that would vibrate to signal certain times of the day when he had to be somewhere or have something done she could see how excited he was. So she knew it was only a matter of time before he didn't want anyone's help, he was a leader and wasn't used to being led.

The first day she left him at home alone she was so worried she almost didn't get out the door in time, Tyler assured her on the ride to school that his dad was superman almost it's nothing he couldn't do. She adored the fact that the boys relationship had been growing stronger and stronger and Finn was finding ways to communicate without his hands so that Tyler didn't have to struggle, although she still would find Tyler at night sitting in his room practicing and on Saturday's during the class he would sit in the front paying close attention to everything the teacher said, taking notes and asking questions.

Finn promised that he would text both her and Santana throughout the day, he knew that they both didn't like the idea and neither did Kurt but he also understood that it was something he had to do for himself. He knew his life was becoming normal (as normal as it could be) and he also knew that his parents would be flying in soon so he had to get as much alone time as he could now because once his mother was here she wouldn't leave his side. Carole and Burt had been away for the past 4 months campaigning for his re-election, and when Carole told Finn she was leaving to come be with him he protested and simply told her that his condition would still be the same with or without her here. She cried on the phone with Rachel for hours and eventually Rachel started to cry too. He wanted his mother to know that he wasn't trying to hurt her but he also felt like he wanted to get a better hold of his life here before she came. Burt was doing as well as anyone could expect during an interview he was asked about "the son that almost died" and wasn't able to complete the interview. From that day on he would only be interviewed by reporters that respected what had happened. He did however make a statement simply asking for privacy and that he was glad Finn was home and respected him for what he sacrificed for the country. But personally he could see the cracks in both his mother and step-fathers covers. He couldn't imagine what it felt like to receive a call stating that their son was missing and waiting for two days just to hear that he was found but hadn't woken up to then be told he woke up but had lost his hearing. They were staying strong just as Rachel was but Finn _knew_ his family and knew that if he didn't get to a point where they didn't have to worry about him they would soon lose it.

He soon found out that being alone also meant being bored. No tv, because reading and watching at the same time just- he didn't like it. No music, that hurt him the most and since Rachel had asked him not to leave the house, ("_atleast not the first day Finn c'mon work with me"_) no painting either he woke up to find he was out of white of course the one color that can't be made by mixing other colors together. He was going to read then realized he had mostly read all the books in the house. So he sat and wrote out everything, he'd never been a planner but he wanted to set things in motion he had plans with his life he hasn't going to allow this to hinder his future goals, so he wrote down things that he felt he could and wanted to do, of course once he went through the list and got it to a reasonable size he would run it by Rachel but for now it gave him hope and a glance into the future where things were easier.

When his pager went off and realized he had spent almost the whole day on his list and Alexis' prek bus would be dropping her off soon, he hurried to make her a sandwich with chips knowing that after school she was hungry, he added two more sandwiches and placed when in the refrigerator for when the older kids got home. When he was deployed he use to always think about Rachel and the kids and knowing that Kurt or Santana or sometimes even Blaine would be the ones to get the kids off the bus, he would become jealous because they got to do something he never really got the chance, most the time if he was on leave it would be summer or some type of vacation, so now that he was getting the chance to do it, he cherished every moment. He loved to see the pictures they would bring home or the grades Tyler made, he really was smart like his mother, he sometimes lacked common sense and Finn knew that was all from him. But he had his head on right, always has he always knew what he wanted to do and that was to follow after his father and Finn always supported him but always reminding him that he can take another path.

When he stepped outside he couldn't help but to miss it, the sun beaming down on his face, he imagined the sounds that where around him. He missed those the most, most people don't realize the birds sounds or the car horns and take them for granted but Finn would do anything for those simple sounds now. He sat on the swing on the porch and watched as the cars of his neighbors pull into their driveways, some waved and some gave a sympathetic head nod. He wasn't used to being pitied but he knew that he was on his way of fixing that. The "KinderCare" bus started down his street and Finn couldn't help but smile, he loved this part of the day, Alexis wasn't old enough to understand that he wasn't leaving again so every day was a surprise for her. Even though he can't hear her he knows she screams "Daddy" when she's running towards him,(and for the first time he's not sharing it with anyone else, not his brother or Santana it's just him) he'd give anything to hear her voice just once scream his name while running towards him. They come in and he watches while she eats her sandwich and smiles at him when she pulls out the drawing of the fire truck she did at school and he kisses her and puts it on the fridge because that's where they all go, she takes his hands and pulls him to her room where they usually spend the next hour and a half playing until the other kids come home. Today is no different, he has a really hard time fitting in the chair for her tea table but he manages. She stops talking and Finn knows it's because she's still not use to Finn not responding to her, so he just pulls her to him and hugs her and kisses her forehead and she smiles her beautiful smile that looks just like Rachel's at him and starts talking again. When they are done with the tea party she stands up and says something and he just makes a sad face because he doesn't know what she said. She runs off and when she comes she has cookies in her hand, so she smiles and then shakes his head no while also signing the word because the teachers told him to try little words like that so it'll be easier for her to learn. She makes a pout face and stomps her foot and he kind of starts to panic, he knows how he would usually handle this but he doesn't know how to when he can't hear her but she starts to stomp her feet more and he can tell shes yelling and before he knows what he's doing his hand is slamming against the table and he sees her daughters face rush with fear, she hands him the cookie and silently sits on her bed now looking down at her hands that are pulling at the edge of her dress. His heart is broken by the way she won't look at him and he walks over to place a kiss on her head before leaving the room, he doesn't know what else to do so he sits outside her room.

His pager goes off and that means the older kids are coming home, Alexis fell asleep about 15 minutes ago and Finn just hopes everything goes better with Tyler and Lacey because he doesn't know how much more he can take, he scared his little girl and he's not sure anything can hurt as bad as that.

He's standing on the porch when he sees the kids walking up the street and he knows something is wrong because Tyler has his arm around Lacey's shoulder and has an ice pack in his hand. When they make it to the porch he can see that Lacey is crying and Tyler has a busted lip but before he can ask anything they both push past him and run into their separate rooms.

PTSD has it's own mind sometimes, little things trigger episodes and being overwhelmed is one of them he tries knocking on Tylers door but he never answers and he can feel the clouding feeling start to fill him head like he's slipping into a pool of bad feelings. He finally pulls his phone out sending a message to Tyler that says Alexis is napping and to tell him when she wakes up and one to Rachel that just says sorry. He's screwed up his family and it's the worse feeling, he goes into their room and before he knows it he's completely emerged in bed feelings. So he just sits and closes his eyes and thinks about the days when he was someone important to his family and not someone they would be better off if he didn't make it.

She knew it was a bad idea, when she got the text from Finn saying he was sorry she knew she should have fought harder to make Finn understand that neither he nor the kids were ready for this. She knew she was driving way to fast but she needed to get to her family. She starts moving in auto pilot and before she knows it she running into her home that's quite besides the music that is coming from Tylers room, she gets a chill down her spine because if it's one thing about her children, they aren't quite. She decided to go to Tyler first hoping he can give her insight of what she's walking into. She knocks and tells him its her before the music stops and he's opening the door.

"What happened to your lip?" she pulls his face to her so she can see it better, it's pretty swollen but it looks like the blood had finally stopped.

" Long story, I don't wan-"

"TYLER HIRAM CHRISTOPHER HUDSON! Don't you dare try to write me off as if I'm not your mother I don't care how long the story is I want to hear it, now!"

She usually doesn't get loud but all her kids know when she uses their full names and raises her voice she's not playing around. He immediately starts to tell her about how at the bus stop this boy started to tell Lacey that their father was a freak after she had told one of her friends that he was a hero, Lacey started to cry and Tyler just started to punch the kid in the face until the bus driver got off the bus and pulled him off and that's when the kid got a sucker punch in and that's how he got the busted lip.

She doesn't condone violence at any cost, and children are cruel, Tyler's always had Finns temper and she can't help but to think about the few times Finn resorted to violence in high school, she felt like him having to hear that about his father was enough of a punishment she sat and talked to him for what seemed the first time in awhile, she knew he was keeping a lot to himself about how he felt and how badly he felt about walking past Finn after school, he just thought Finn would be disappointed in him and he was scared, she could understand that and she told him Finn would never be disappointed in him for fighting for what he believed but he would encourage him to pick his battles and words are for cowards so as long as they were talking and his sister was safe they should have turned the other cheek. They both smiled because that sounded like what Finn would have said if given the chance.

"Have you seen your father since?" Once calming Tyler down she realized she hadn't heard or seen Finn since she got in the house and was beginning to worry, at that moment she heard Alexis start to cry and Tyler informed her that she was down for a nap when he got there.

She walked into Alexis' room to find the little girl sitting in her bed looking down at her hands, with a face she couldn't exactly read. "Daddy got mad at me and he scared me mommy" Rachel couldn't help but think about what could have happened, she knew Finn would never do anything to hurt their children, but the look on her daughters face worried her "Daddy loves you I'm sure he's not mad baby" she told her youngest daughter while picking her up from the bed, she turned around to see Tyler and Lacey standing in the door way, " Dads still in the room, should you go check on him?" She handed Alexis over to Tyler and told him to go turn on a movie and she'll be down in a minute. She knew they should be doing homework but she also knew that today had obviously been hard on everyone and being together was what they needed more.

She knew something was wrong the only light in the room was of that from the window she heard it though, a light 'thud' coming from the closet. She slowly walked over to the closet not knowing what exactly she would find. She pulled the door open slowly to find her husband with his eyes open and looking towards the ceiling and throwing his head continuously into the wall, she turned the light in the closet on and he immediately stopped what he was doing and looked her directly in her eyes. He quickly began to tell her of what had happened that day, she only picked up some of it but what she had gathered of it is Alexis started to throw a tantrum and what he did to cause her to be so shook up about it. She went to sit by her husband and take his hand in her's before bringing his hand up to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of his hand.

She doesn't know how long they sit like that, but she hears little footsteps walking across the floor of her room and when she looks up her children are standing there. She sees Alexis wiggle from Tyler's arms and run over to Finn who eyes were closed but when she landed on his lap they immediately flew open, she kissed his cheek and positioned to get comfortable on his lap. Tyler walked to the other side of Finn took his hand in his copying the way Finn and Rachel's hands were a smile spread on Finns and Tyler's face as they shared a knowing look. Lacey settled on the other side of Rachel and did the same thing Tyler did by taking her hand. It was quite and soft but she could hear her daughter say "My daddy is a hero mommy I don't care what those mean kids say" she couldn't help but let a tear fall although a smile was making its way across her face. Lacey was young but she had an old soul she was smart and didn't take to bullies, she knew her father was a hero. Rachel did however do what she felt was right and that was sing, and as they set there for what felt like hours she sang to her family, and although Finn couldn't hear her when he looked over and saw she was singing he never took his eyes off her the entire time, they might be broken right now but she had no doubt in her mind that they would get through this.

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**So the closet in my mind is the one in my friends house, its obviously a walk-in and it's huge seriously I'm jealous.. again like I said not the best chapter but it's the foundation to a lot that happens in the future.**

**Please Review.**

**Until next time guys :)**


	6. Chapter 6: Nice To Meet You

**So I don't know about anyone else, but I don't need any angst right now. Life is pretty much a really emotional story by it's self right now. I haven't felt this down since last year but I guess with all the new things that has happened its expected. So this one isn't heavy but it introduces someone who is going to become a pretty big deal in the Hudson household. I hope you guys enjoy.**

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When he was deployed, she missed him. She would sit up at night and want him near her, just to breathe him in and feel his touch. Missing someone is by far the strongest emotion she'd ever felt, until now. She grieves, but not for his life, for what _was_. The life they no longer have, for the mornings she would wake up to classic rock flooding the house along with Finn singing along with the kids beating on cooking pans as their own personal drums. She mourns for the Saturdays she would sit and listen to him and Puck yell at the television because their favorite team was losing, but most of all she misses their connection. But she pushes through it all because every morning she wakes up to his face, his amber eyes telling her everything she needs to know without having to say words. She mourns the life she had and misses the connection she so badly hopes to capture again one day, but she has him so she pushing through the emptiness she sometimes feels.

Sometimes when the house is quiet and she's close to sleep she hears his voice, and it's so clear that it scares her. She'll look over to see him sleeping and curse herself for not being grateful for that but she can hear the words as if they were following from his lips at that moment whispering her name and the chill that always followed shooting down her spine. And other times she can't remember his voice, is it high? Low? Raspy? Moments like that she panics, she cries until it all comes back to her, then she laughs at the thought that she could ever forget it.

Puck comes over one day and says he's taking Finn out for a night on the town, she wants to stomp her feet and yell and protest and what a dumb idea that is, but she sees the look in Finns eye, the one that is dying for a normal night with his best friend and she eventually caves and while he gets ready she sets the times on his pager for him to be home and reminds Puck of his responsibly when it comes to watching out for Finn he's reply being " Chill Berry, I got my boy" she just rolls her eyes at the name that he never remembers now has "Hudson" attached to it. Before Finn leaves he leans down to kiss her and she holds on for awhile longer, this scares her and he knows it so he wraps her up and hold her for awhile until Puck is grabbing his shirt and pulling them away. Immediately as the door closes she calls Santana, "Why in the world would you let him go?" She's not sure why she called Santana, she just needed someone to talk to, "I can't keep him locked in the house Santana, his going out was inevitable."

"Not if I had been there! I'm coming over neither of us will be able to fall asleep until he's home so we might as well make a night out of it." She agrees and tells her to bring ice cream before hanging up. It's going to be along night to be followed by a longer weekend, both parents are flying in and last thing she needs is for tonight to turn out bad.

He can see it in her face when she doesn't know he's looking it's the look people have when they are mourning losing something or someone, he wishes more than anything he could make this all a dream – a nightmare- and it all be over, but he cant. So he's been working to make everything easier, him and the kids have fallen into a pattern they've had a few bumps along the way but he's smoothed them out. They go to the park and while the younger kids play, him and Tyler work on signing the lyrics to Finn's favorite song, "Still Haven't Found What I Looking For" it helps Tyler with his speed and remembering different words, and a lot Tyler just loves the song because Finn does, Tyler taught Lacey and Alexis how to sign "Daddy" and the first time Finn saw it he cried.

After the park Lacey and Tyler sit at the dining room table and do whatever homework while Alexis has to stay in the living room where Finn can see her while he cooks dinner, so by the time Rachel comes home the only thing she has to worry about is eating and spending time with her family.

He almost said no when Puck came invited him out, he was tired and being honest getting drunk was the last thing on his mind. But he needs to show everyone –himself included- that he can do this and they don't have to worry about him as much. His parents and in-laws are coming this weekend and he knows that if he shows him that he has taken the role as head of household they will feel more comfortable when they have to leave again.

It's awkward at first sitting at the bar not being able to hear or even converse with the people around you, when Puck finally orders a beer he starts to loosen up a little and Puck being Puck decides that the best way to communicate is to act out everything so watching his best friend acting out "Tommy pissed on the wall in his room because he thought he was in the bathroom" broke the ice and the rest of the night was spent catching up and sometimes when acting out was too hard Finn would just type it out on his phone.

An hour and a half in he tells Puck he has to go to the bathroom, he can tell Puck is a little hesitate Finn just rolls his eyes and slides out the booth. He's almost to the bathroom when he runs into someone and the drink she was holding gets on them both and before he even realizes he's apologizing over and over again until he stops because she doesn't understand him and right when he was going to resort to the Puck method of acting it out she smiles and signs " It's fine really, I wasn't looking where I was going." He hasn't actually met anyone that can sign fluently since he's gotten back, Rachel and Blaine are good but you can tell they struggle and it's uncomfortable for them both and he stupidly ask " You sign?" because he's still a little shocked and a little drunk, she smiles and replies " My dad was born deaf so yeah, I sign pretty good." He ask her if she would mind waiting and she says she's going to go clean up and she'll just meet him back there in a minute before he turns thought he introduces himself "I'm Finn" and hold out her hand, she shakes it and then replies "I'm Marley"

It works out pretty awesome that she can sign and talk because her and Puck can hold a conversation and then she can turn around and tell Finn about it or they hold their own conversation. It's nice and she's sweet he can see her being a good friend, when it's time to go and he tells her he would love for her to meet his wife they seem like they would get along great she smiles and gives him her number before hugging them both and going back to the table with her friend.

When he gets home Rachel and Santana and plastered and laughing on the floor in the living room. He picks Santana up first and takes her in the guest room and he can still tells she's laughing as he carries her over his shoulder and when he places her down he just shakes his head and kisses her forehead before closing the door behind him and going to get his wife who's falling asleep on the floor. He scoops her up and takes her in their bedroom and after laying her down in the bed goes and gets the Tylenol he knows she will need in the morning.

The sun is way too bright when she wakes up and she notices that Finn isn't beside her but a glass of water and Tylenol is and she knows it was him, her and Santana got way to lose then she anticipated and she paying for it now by like a million. She takes the pills and sees that it's almost 11 in the morning and knows that their parents will be arriving soon, she hears the door open and feels the bed shift in weight and then "Finn had to carry us to bed last night." And they both burst into laughter because its crazy how many times that has happened since college, and for a second everything feels right and how it's suppose to be.

Alexis comes and jumps on the bed 30 minutes later and informs them that "Daddys making 'cakes" in other words 'pancakes' when she walks in to the kitchen she can't help but to wrap her arms around him and lean into his back and stays like that until he has to move and distribute pancakes to everyone. When he comes back to the kitchen she ask him if he had fun and he laughs and says he really did enjoy himself and he would ask her the same but he knows the answer and then leans in and kisses her just like she needs to be right now. He goes on and tells her how he met a girl name Marley and she signs and a sting of jealously flows through her even though she knows it's ridiculous to be, he tells her how they should meet because Marley and her might have some stuff in common and she just nods her head because she doesn't want to talk about that anymore.

Santana goes home and they all start to get ready for their parents to arrive and neither of them knows how to handle this because they don't know how their parents are going to be. She feels like they are getting to a place where they are becoming comfortable and she doesn't want anyone to mess that up, but it's been awhile so maybe there won't be any crying and uncomfortable moments. It's wishful thinking that Carole and her Papa won't cry but she's hoping not. She hasn't cried in awhile and she doesn't want to again, and she knows how Finn is about her crying and his mother both of them will drive him crazy.

When the door bells rings, she automatically tenses up and taps on Finns shoulder to tell him that their here, the kids are excited and when she gets to the door already waiting on them, when she opens the door Carole barely notices her and runs to Finn, while Burt and her dads both huge her and kiss her a million times. When she turns around Carole is just holding Finns face and she can see Finns eyes and how watery they are and the half smile he's forcing for his mother.

She knows right then and there that this is going to be a long week.

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**I was going to put the parents visit in this chapter but I think its going to deserve it's own chapter because it's going to be pretty big, so Marley? no its not about to become some love affair..ew but no she's going to be a big help. **

**I hope you guys enjoyed it, I felt pretty good about this chapter unlike the last one.**

**So reviews? that would be awesome and greatly appreciated**


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